About Me

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I am a retired English teacher and department head, the mother of three, grand mother of three, and have been married to the same man for 42 years. I subscribe to Dr. PM Forni's concept of Civility. I was born in South Philadelphia and grew up in the 'burbs. I love soft pretzels and cheesesteaks, the Phillies, the Eagles, and San Diego. I love being Mom, Aunt Kathy, Nona Kathy, and Teacher. I spend a lot of time in my gardens in the spring and summer, and in the winter I plan what I'm going to plant. I also am an avid reader and photographer.

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Monday, November 8, 2010

I'm Okay, Really

Well, Cynical Bastard (actually, he's anything but, as I find him to be a really feeling guy) has beaten me to the proverbial punch and will be discussing this very topic on his blogcast:  I'm With Stupid.  Is that going to preclude my writing this post?  Nah! For the past several days, I've been thinking about why I blog.  I believe I write for the connections.  When I compose I represent myself, and while I don't seek  agreement or approval,  I do seek response.  This fits my need.   I notice in the blogs that I follow, people share a piece of themselves and seem to be reaching out not for acceptance or self-promotion but for friendship.

And so this begs the question:  when we respond in kind to others' blogs, do we then expect  reciprocity?  And when there is none, do we stop 'reading' them?  This would be hoisting my needs on them, wouldn't it?

Someone whose blog I've been following for a while has stopped commenting on mine.  I'm not certain that she/he even reads my blog anymore as there are several from that area who do.  Specific queries to well-being have gone unanswered.   And this morning, when I clicked on the blog's latest posting to read it, I learned that the blog has gone private and I'm not 'invited'.  I guess this makes my decision for me, doesn't it?

19 comments:

Linda Reeder said...

Being 'uninvited' sounds pretty clear to me. That's more time you have to pick up another blog to read, or just to claim for yourself.
I do feel a reaponsibility to reciprocate in blog reading, but I am now allowing myself to not comment on every posting as long as I check in often. Being a good blog friend is taking a lot of time.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Well----blogging can be hurtful, can't it? That's why I don't do awards and giveaways anymore... People do get hurt...

I am one who will not follow someone who does not comment on my blog. That's just my choice. I love comments --and pray very little attention to those who 'follow me'--many of which never comment.

We all have our favorites ---bloggers who become great friends in addition to just blog friends.. I love emailing in addition to commenting. SO--IF I have someone's name and where they live (important to me) and their email address, generally we become good friends.

We also all tend to go to others' blogs --who have the same interests that we do. I have nothing in common with a 20 yr. old who talks about her dating life!!!! ha.... I also prefer blogs where people talk about themselves, not afraid to show their pictures, talk about their lives and families... That makes the blog more real for me.

I don't do memes (personal choice) --mainly because I think that some people do them only because they don't have anything else to say... Seeing 50 sky pictures every Friday is okay--but not too important to me...

Guess we all have our likes and dislikes... I just love personal blogs...

Don't worry if someone quits following you. Generally they aren't worthy of your comments to them...

Hugs,
Betsy

Maggie said...

Yes, it did. But don't take it personally. Usually it's their decision to do this, their problems, and they don't want to advertise their quibbles with themselves.

I stop reading folks that don't read me unless there is some strong line of creativity in their writing. Many folks write, like someone famous, but they write for themselves not response. Sometimes I just keep reading them.

Jay said...

I don't really expect people to reciprocate when I comment on their blogs, but if they never do I generally stop commenting on theirs.

As for the person who just up and stopped communicating? Unfortunately that's a pretty common thing in the bloggerhood. I've had several do that. Sometimes I take it personally and other times I don't.

Linda Reeder said...

I thought I left a comment, but I don't see it. So to repeat myself, I would say you have been 'uninvited', and that frees you up to have more time to pick up another blog to read or just claim the time for yourself.
I do feel a responsibility to reciprocate with bloggers who read my blog and comment, and I try to do that. But I have given myself permission to not comment every day, as long as I visit often. Being a friendly blogger takes a lot of time!

Happyone :-) said...

When people leave a comment on my blog, I don't comment back again unless it is a direct question. Then sometimes instead of commenting back on my blog I will answer on their blog. I'm not sure when I answer back on my blog that the person will ever see it.

Some bloggers comment back to everyone, and some never. I guess we all do what feels comfortable for us.

I read blogs because I like them and even if they don't read mine too or comment on mine I will still read them. :-)
I don't really worry about it.

Cheryl said...

A good subject and food for thought. I think we all love comments. I think the proper etiquette is to respond to those that respond to us. That said, I have a hard time keeping up with blogs. I have a hard time keeping up with commenting. I write for myself, as a creative outlet. I don't write on a regular basis and I'm sure I've lost followers because of it. I don't get many comments, but it doesn't stop me from writing or from reading the blogs of friends that I enjoy reading. I don't read based on response. That's just me. That said, I would read and respond to every blog I follow every single day if I could and I wish everyone who read my blog responded with a comment. And I do feel guilty when I read blogs and don't respond. Whew. Can this count for a week's worth of commenting?

Lena said...

I started to write a blog, because I so enjoyed reading them. I was fascinated by people's everyday lives and how many good writers there are!

I comment on blogs that don't comment back, and I read blogs that I rarely comment on. If I discover a really good blog, I will read the older posts for hours.

I have given up flipping the remote and watching TV for reading blogs. They do take up a lot of time, but I have found comfort in tough times, inspiration, and just plain nice folks!

Linda said...

I've settled into a comfortable rut on my blog. I have some blogs I consider the owners as friends and some I don't. Unless a blog is a subject I'm intensely interested in I don't keep it on my list very long if I receive no response..

I blog for the comments. I like having a few "friends" in blogland. I'm happy with my few.

Sweet Virginia Breeze said...

I read blogs that I enjoy and when I have something to say I will comment on a post. While I do enjoy getting comments, I don't expect that person to reciprocate. I will continue to read their blog, but maybe not comment as often on theirs.
I probably need lessons on proper blog etiquette.

George said...

I find myself drawn to blogs of people I would like to meet in person and spend time with. I try to post about things that we've done (no matter how trivial) and I try to leave a comment most of the time when I read someone's post.

Kimberly said...

I've always wondered about the blog etiquette and specifically where you answer questions raised in your blog. I've answered on my blog, on their blog, and I think the last time I answered in your facebook. Clearly I am confused. Maybe the person had to take the blog private for a serious or even temporary reason and simply forgot to invite you. I cannot imagine anyone uninviting you intentionally =)!

Gilly said...

I have some blog friends, and I try to comment on their posts every time. (But not if the post is about American politics - that's a no-no for me who is British through and through!!)

If asked a direct question I will either email or answer on their own blog - never sure if they would come back to look for an answer!

Ssome blogs I read that never respond, just out of interest.

But I value all those who I call my blog friends - I do wish I could meet some of you in person. Maybe one day.....

A Slice of My Life said...

I blog because I want to remember the silly little things that go on in our lives. Things that I would probably forget if it wasn't written down.

I don't get a whole mess of comments anymore...most likely because I've been so erratic in my blogging lately, but people I know in real life are always coming up to me wanting to talk about what I've written. It's kinda wierd...expecially if I didn't even know they knew about my blog!

Try not to let the lack of invitation get you down. You never really know what's going on in people's lives. I think sometimes folks forget that there's a real person with real feelings behind the blogs.

If I ever go private, I promise to invite you!

Jules said...

Well didn't you just open a can of worms. I'm commenting, please take note.

Snappy Di said...

There are a bazillion other blogs to read. Stick with the friendly ones. She may have something going on in her life right now that has brought her to the decision to go private. I've been shut out of a few blogs before too. Pffttt. You just can't take it personal.

May I please have some of those worms, Jules? LOL

Di

Purple Flowers said...

When a blog goes private, I give up on them. It's their choice to post however they want to, and I choose not to chase them down.

The blog world is unique. We are all just writing words on a computer screen, however, if/when you are fortunate to meet really nice people, it's great! And the words on the screen become real. I enjoy blogging; I just don't do it as much as I would like to.

Amy said...

I think that person/blogger is being very rude and passive-aggressive. I think they should have the decency to email you and ay the least tell you what their problem is even if it is that they don't want to be on-line friends anymore. Maybe that's too frank for some people. But it would have saved you the effort of commenting as much as you did with no response or reciprocation as well as email and checking with them.

But I am still completely flabbergasted and flummoxed by the behavior I have experienced, seen and heard about in the on-line blogging world.

I should reveal, although, that growing up I was nicknamed "Frank" for being very upfront and honest. So maybe I'm the weird one! But now you have room/time for a new blogging friend!
~ Amy

Bilbo said...

We all have our reasons for blogging. I enjoy the ability to do some creative writing and to vent about things that are on my mind. I like to get comments, but they aren't the most important thing for me. Likewise, I read a lot of blogs (not all of them every day), but I don't like to comment unless I can say something witty or worthwhile (not always the same thing!).