About Me

My photo
I am a retired English teacher and department head, the mother of three, grand mother of three, and have been married to the same man for 42 years. I subscribe to Dr. PM Forni's concept of Civility. I was born in South Philadelphia and grew up in the 'burbs. I love soft pretzels and cheesesteaks, the Phillies, the Eagles, and San Diego. I love being Mom, Aunt Kathy, Nona Kathy, and Teacher. I spend a lot of time in my gardens in the spring and summer, and in the winter I plan what I'm going to plant. I also am an avid reader and photographer.

Translator!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

They ran out of rice, so they threw tapioca...

My mom stood in the reception line at our wedding and said, "Hello, I'm Cass, the mother of the bride, and I give this six weeks." She only said it once and was kidding (I think), but she had good reason. I was barely 20 and the eldest of three, all seven and a half years apart: we had all been brought up as only children. Furthermore, she was well aware of the strong-willed daughter she had raised.

Well, that was 36 years ago today. We made it through tough financial times, three children under the age of four, those same three as teenagers (they accused us of stalking them; we said, "Thank you"), seven presidents, several job changes, a serious illness, paying for two college educations, and I could go on ad nauseum.

Why have we made it this far when many of our contemporaries have not? I have no idea. I think marriage is a strange combination of luck -- a veritable crap-shoot, respect for one another, friendship, a bit of passion (although this is often over-counted on; let's face it, if I see something I haven't seen before in 36 years I should probably shoot it), caring and consideration, and a lot of humor. I have learned in 36 years that shutting my mouth is a good thing. We have learned that going to bed angry is a lot better than arguing while tired and saying things we can never take back. We could always talk things out in the clear of day and after a good night's sleep. We have learned that sometimes there are arguments not worth continuing and that flipping a coin is just as productive, if not more so, than battling things out. We have learned the importance of someone's always having our back and the extreme strength of the words, "I'm sorry."

Could we have married other people and lived happy and complete lives? Sure, we could have. Would I have wanted to? No, I think not. We are a good match.

14 comments:

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

Happy anniversary. We've been married half as long as you--it will be 19 years in May. (Unlike you, I was in my 30s.) I agree that respect, friendship, saying sorry, consideration, and knowing how to pick your battles are key. Isn't wonderful to still be friends with the man you fell in love with?

I hope you do something fun to celebrate.

happyone said...

Happy Anniversary!!
We have number 37 coming up at the end of the month!

Brad said...

Congratulations on your anniversary. My theory on marriage is you find someone who reasonably meets your expectations then you spend everyday working on your relationship. It's kept us going for 20+ years.

So where's he taking you to dinner?

Kathy said...

:) And there was that spark! We eat out A LOT, so tonight I'm making pizza with carmelized onions and peppers with mozzarella and feta. We'll go out tomorrow night! The temperature should be a balmy 15 degrees by then.

Jay said...

Happy Anniversary!

36 years! Wow! That's very impressive!

cri said...

Cara Kathy, le foto pubblicate sono dei concorrenti di X-FACTOR, che io ADORO, soprattutto perche' Morgan, uno di giudici, che è un cantante-musicista ed è affascinantissimo!!!!!!!!!
All the people in the photos are musicians, singers, and they play in X-FACTOR reality.
I adore it, expecially Morgan, one of the judges. He is a singer and musician but very charming too!!!!
Kisses, Cristina

CJM-R said...

Happy Anniversary, Kathy!

Enjoy your pizza tonight!!

Therapist Mumbles said...

It's great to hear about a good marriage, about people who enjoy, appreciate and respect each other, even when they don't feel that way at the moment. It makes for good children and that makes for a good world.

Her and I are just about at 41 years. As I say (too often) thirty-three of the best years of my life.

Cheryl said...

It's really good to know that there are good marriages out there. Most seem to be not. Happy Anniversary!

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

Something is waiting for you at my blog!

beachgirl said...

Happy Anniversary.
I am so glad to hear a happy ending.
Have an awesome weekend.

Gin said...

Happy Anniversary a bit late! I love this post, and I have no doubt that you've had a great run so far!

Raising my glass of diet pepsi...here's to 36 more, AT LEAST!!

bonnie said...

Happy Anniversary. This is our thirtieth year. Your post is like reading a great advice column.

Palm Springs Savant said...

A Happy Anniversary to you both! You have such a wonderfully healthy perspective of relationships.