About Me

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I am a retired English teacher and department head, the mother of three, grand mother of three, and have been married to the same man for 42 years. I subscribe to Dr. PM Forni's concept of Civility. I was born in South Philadelphia and grew up in the 'burbs. I love soft pretzels and cheesesteaks, the Phillies, the Eagles, and San Diego. I love being Mom, Aunt Kathy, Nona Kathy, and Teacher. I spend a lot of time in my gardens in the spring and summer, and in the winter I plan what I'm going to plant. I also am an avid reader and photographer.

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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Look Out! Susie Sunshine Has Hit the Skids

I've always espoused looking for and finding the joy in all things; that all happenings are blessings, but right now when I tell myself this I want to tell myself to get real.


Suffice to say I'm tired of it all:  the constant pain, the extreme effort to do the smallest of tasks like getting up, traveling to the bathroom, washing my face...to say nothing of the monumental effort it takes to get myself into the car or up and down steps.  And the list goes on.  The only position I can enjoy without much pain is lying on my back and after awhile  that gets real old.  It probably doesn't help that the only thing on TV during the day is Law And Order and one can only watch so much of these episodes without running for the Prosac.


I'm not denying the progress I've made, the fact that this is temporary and will improve the quality of my life.  Right now I'm just emotionally stuck in self-pity.  At least with the old, arthritic knee there were breaks in the pain and I enjoyed mobility.

18 comments:

Kimberly said...

{{{Kathy}}}
So sorry it has you down. The best advice I got when I was at that point was to take some time and wallow, then pull up my big girl pants and get on with it. I think there is benefit to embracing the bad time and just letting it run its course and be done as opposed to denying it and letting it linger. You've named it and that is half the battle. I hope you feel better soon!!!

Donna S. said...

Kathy, you are so right that this feeling is temporary. Don't forget the idea that healing is both medical and holistic, and the progress in joint exercise angles and reduction of swelling loses its priority when psychological exhaustion takes place. Give yourself permission to have a down day, then focus on looking ahead to being pain-free - remembering that this has its own timetable (which usually is different from yours!). Plan today for one positive thing that you will focus on tomorrow. Love you, Donna

vanillabeanbaker said...

Having a body that hasn't turned on me yet I can only sincerely empathize with you and your current situation. Take heart in knowing that you will heal and gain greater mobility eventually. I know it probably doesn't help much but when I feel down I try to remind myself that no matter how big my problems may be, someone else is suffering more than me and that all things are temporary. Sending you a big virtual hug and wishing you a complete recovery. Spring is coming and with it all things are born anew. Take good care.

forsythia said...

Wow, you aren't a happy camper right now, but who can blame you? You sound pretty miserable. You'll continue to make progress, but there will be days when it looks as if you're not---at least, that's what they told me when I broke my femur two years ago. They were right.

Purple Flowers said...

Kathy - I'm so sorry to hear of your current situation. Even though you may not think it right now, it's a temporary situation. Get a bowl of ice cream and indulge! Thinking of you and hope you begin to feel better real soon.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh Kathy, I am so sorry... I have been where you are --after the surgery, but still not well... After my knee surgery in 2010 and my hernia surgery in 2011---I felt as if I was NEVER going to feel better. I wanted to --but the body wasn't cooperating...

BUT--the good news is that you WILL feel better. Your energy level will come back and your pain level will disappear. Just do what I don't do so well: Be Patient...

Hugs and Prayers,
Betsy

xreinhardtx said...

Hey Kathy, hope things get better soon. ( I am sorry, that is probably the most generic thing I could say, seriously) I tell you what, why don't you hop over the ocean and read some of my self deprecating stories as well?
www.auslandish.com

Cheers,

Eric

auslandish.com said...

Hey Kathy, hope things get better soon. ( I am sorry, that is probably the most generic thing I could say, seriously) I tell you what, why don't you hop over the ocean and read some of my self deprecating stories as well?
www.auslandish.com

Cheers,

Eric

Happyone said...

Oh Kathy, I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain and can't do anything.
I sure hope things improve for you soon and you will be mobile again.
Are you up for a visit?

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

Kathy, I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. I wish I could visit and sit down for a good old-fashioned chat with you.

Retired English Teacher said...

I've been thinking of you. Those knee surgeries must be so tough. I've seen my husband through two of them. Hopefully, your physical therapy will get you on the mend soon. It takes lots of "pain and torture" my husband's words for physical therapy (pt) to fully get back into the game. Hang in there. Sending hugs.

Shug said...

Oh my Kathy....I can tell you are a little down in the pits today...

Father God..I pray today that you will fill my dear friend with abundant strength. Renew her spirit and give her thoughts of happy days/
Bless her and give her peace.
amen

Lena said...

I have been thinking and thinking about you. I am so sorry you are in so much pain, but I am glad u posted an update.
All good advice from everyone.

It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when in pain. Hang on and take good care!

George said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble. I always enjoyed Law & Order, but after seeing an episode twenty times it loses some of its charm. I hope the days ahead go better.

Linda Reeder said...

Wallow all you want to, until you get sick of yourself. Then you'll be ready to tackle the healing again. We ARE allowed to have moods.

KiraAJ said...

*HUGS* im sorry ur feeling this way....cant say i know 100% how u feel...bed rest sucks no matter what the current situation.. Hoping ur feeling better emotionally i know physically it will take some time... *hugs from a (notso)homesickaussie*

Kay said...

I'm so sorry Kathy. This sounds awful. I've had friends who went through this and it does get better. I'll be thinking about you.

Deb from WhatsInMyAttic said...

Go ahead and wallow in the depths of misery...anyone having this surgery deserves a break from the "brave and it will be so much better in the end" stuff! It's huge to have this done (and by the way, I've been looking for this post to come...I assumed you had had your knee done). I know you already know it, but your life is about to change for the better in so many ways! It's just that the darn road to that change can be so long an painful. You clearly haven't lost your sense of humor, thank goodness! Hang on...good luck...know that your bloggy friends are pulling for you!!